I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn’s Story:

Tuesday, August 21,2018 was just like any other day. I had gotten out of bed, and was gonna get ready for work. I showered and as soon as I was changing, I don’t remember anything else.

My mom found me fainted and rushed me to the ER. I was pregnant with a little boy who was as healthy as can be, and very much alive, his heart was beating perfectly.

The only problem, he was in the wrong place… He was in my Fallopian Tube making it an Ectopic Pregnancy.

At that moment my tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally and had to have emergency surgery ASAP. I remember, I kept asking the doctors about my baby. That’s all I cared about no matter if they had told me I was slowly dying. I just wanted to make sure my baby would be fine. That is when they informed me, there was nothing they could do, with pregnancies like this unfortunately they have to remove the baby. My heart dropped at that moment.

My sweet little boy was just gonna get ripped away from me within a matter of seconds and there’s nothing I could do to save him. I not only lost my right tube and my right ovary. I lost a child, what would’ve been my second son.

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

Being that I never got to see my baby, or hold him, or give him lots of kisses and hugs. It’s really taken a toll on me. I didn’t have anything to remember him by. That’s when I found out about Project Robby.

I requested my keepsake and just counted the days till I’d get it. When I opened my package, I was in absolute tears. I fell in love immediately. Everything was just so beautiful! Although a piece of me will always be missing, being able to have a keepsake in memory of my sweet Angelo, fills in that hole ❤️

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jillian

Jillian’s Story:

It was June 19, 2018. I was at work. I’m a Correctional Officer so showing emotion isn’t exactly something you can do. But I could feel something was off.

I went to the restroom and had some spotting. Not a lot to be alarmed of but enough to add to the nagging feeling I was already experiencing. I called my Captain and told him I needed to go home. 3 hours. It took 3 hours to get relieved. I felt numb and powerless. Knowing no matter how fast or how slow it took me to leave it wouldn’t change anything.

I went home to my BF. Told him we needed to go to the hospital. So we packed up our 7 month old daughter and headed out. While at the hospital the U/S tech sounded very excited to report to me baby was measuring at 8 weeks. But I told her that can’t be right I’m almost 13.

She then became silent the rest of the scan. And I knew why. They returned me to my room and I told my BF, I know our baby’s gone. The dr came in an hour later. “I’m sorry your baby had no cardiac activity”.

I knew it. I knew it in my soul. And I broke.

Going through the miscarriage at home was my breaking point. For both me and my boyfriend. It was so quick (pharmaceutically induced). I couldn’t process it all. Here I am 3 months later and I couldn’t go to work. I hated them for making me wait. I’m home trying to heal day by day.

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

The keepsake set made me feel so thankful. That someone else believes my baby was indeed a loss.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Krystal

Krystal’s Story:

One year ago (September 2017) I found out I was pregnant. I was SO EXCITED because I have always wanted a baby. I’ve always dreamed of being a mom. I even have journals that I write to my future children in-that I began in June of 2007 on my wedding day. I’ve had boy and girl names that I’ve chosen for years before I even met my husband. I talk about my children as if they already exist and I always have. They are loved and wanted and so precious.

So when I went for my first ultrasound (8 weeks 5 days) and saw that little heart beating I wanted to be happy but I could tell by the ultrasound techs change of emotion that something was wrong. —and unfortunately, something was wrong. My sweet baby was measuring smaller than expected (5 weeks 3 days) and the heartbeat wasn’t as strong as it should be. Two days later and I lost my baby naturally at what should have been 9 weeks to the day.

I remember that moment so vividly. I was crying my eyes out-not because of the physical pain but the because of the emotional and mental torture of what this meant. I remember apologizing to my baby over and over “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-Mommy is so sorry” as my body failed me in keeping my baby safe and alive.

We don’t know why. We don’t the gender of our precious little one. I just knew I had to honor my baby by naming him or her… so together we chose a name that could be for a boy or a girl. *Payton Leigh Morrow*

On September 15, 2017 I didn’t just lose a pregnancy- I didn’t just lose a baby- I lost an entire future. I lost memories we never got to make and birthday parties we never got to plan. I lost hopes and dreams and instead was given pain and tears and thoughts of “what if” and “what could have been”. I was terrified to try again. It took an entire year (literally- one year exactly) and here we are September 2018 and I’m losing my second precious baby at the same time in my pregnancy as before. We chose the name *London Parker* for this sweet baby. I’m a mess of emotions and I don’t understand why-I probably never will. I still love and trust God. I still have hope and I still pray. I will keep trying despite the heartbreak. I hope and pray that I will get to keep and hold a baby here on this Earth. For now, I just grieve for the future that I don’t get to have with the two babies that I will forever love and miss.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

I found out about Project Robby and asked for a keepsake set. They sent me a beautiful hat, blanket, and angel wings. I cried in my car as I put the little hat on the tip of my finger. This sweet keepsake set makes me feel like I have something tangible to hold on to since I can’t hold my sweet Payton. I tell everyone I know that has been through a loss about Project Robby. I’m so thankful for their love and generosity. They are amazing.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jamie

Jamie’s Story: I lost my only son at 16 weeks and 5 days on 7/18/17. I was determined to have a vaginal delivery and in doing so I bled out and almost lost my life. I would do it the same way over again in a heartbeat.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her: It means the world to me. I had the blood test to find out the gender and I was told I was having a girl so everything I had for my baby was for a girl but when they performed the autopsy I found out I had a little boy. The keepsake is the only boy thing I have to remember him by.

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Megan

I had an ectopic that I started loosing at only 5 weeks. Since we lost our child so young, we never saw an ultrasound picture and we didn’t buy many things yet.

Having something tangible to look at and hold means the world. So many people don’t recognize our loss as a loss, makes me feel like my baby wasn’t real or it wasn’t a loss.

Having something as intimate as a blanket, hat, and wings makes my child more real and easier to grieve knowing I lost a child and not just a pregnancy.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Lainee

I lost my sweet baby at just 8 weeks. We had only known about the pregnancy for two weeks, but after trying for so long, we were so happy! The day I lost the baby was one of the worst days of my life. It was March 21st. My baby was due November 1st. I should be getting ready to welcome a baby. But now the baby is my angel!

 

The keepsake set that I received is the only tangible thing I have in remembrance of my baby. I didn’t get any ultrasound pictures because the baby was already gone by the time I got to have one. So having the tiny hat and blanket that I can hold onto means so much to me. It is one of my most treasured possessions!

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Tanner and Amanda Smith

During the month of October we will be featuring women who have received Project Robby Bereavement and Keepsake Sets in our “ I didn’t just lose a pregnancy” series on our website.

 

I wanted to start the series off by talking a little bit about my story, because “I didn’t just lose a pregnancy.”

 

Robert (Robby)  James Smith was born at 23 weeks gestation on February 24th, 2012. I went into preterm labor on the 20th, and labored with him in the hospital until my body could not hold out any longer. He lived for two precious hours in our arms before going to heaven. When Robby was born, the hospital did not have anything small enough to fit his perfect, yet very tiny little head, but the nurse did her best to find something that would come as close as possible to fitting. The hat that Robby wore was and continues to be one of my most treasured possessions. For a long time, I carried his hat around with me wherever I went. I slept with it, I even took it on the cruise that my mom and I went on with my grandmother shortly after Robby died. It brought me so much comfort to have something of his.

 

That hat is where the idea of Project Robby came from. When Project Robby was started, it was about me trying to find a way to honor Robby’s life. I wanted people to know that although Robby’s life was brief, his life mattered. What happened along the way is that it began to be about more. Project Robby began to transform into a way for me to help other women through the heartbreaking loss of their baby.

 

Project Robby isn’t just sending out beautifully handmade hats, blankets, and angel wings. Project Robby is about letting women know that their baby matters. It doesn’t matter how tiny your baby was, how premature your baby was, or how brief your baby was here with you.

 

I know first hand that pregnancy and infant loss is something that can be isolating. I want women to know that you are not alone.

I want women to know that it is okay to be sad, and it is okay to be angry.

It is okay to miss your baby.

It is okay to talk about your baby.

 

I am so thankful that Project Robby is reaching so many women, and that we are able to serve these women by letting them know that their baby matters.

 

At Project Robby we acknowledge that all losses are heartbreaking.

We acknowledge that your baby mattered no matter at what gestation they existed.

We don’t just say it, we believe it. Your baby matters. You didn’t just lose a pregnancy. It wasn’t just a “sad” or “unfortunate” thing that happened. You lost a tiny little life who will forever change you, and you deserve to know that your baby matters.

 

It is my hope that when a family receives their keepsake or bereavement set, that they are able to find at least a little bit of comfort as I did with the little hat that I have from Robby.

 

If you have received a set from Project Robby and would like to be featured, please fill out this form.  

The Pattern Guidelines For Project Robby Donations

Our town has a wonderful little post office with the kindest and most helpful people! The other day I was talking with the ladies at the post office and they were commenting on the amount of boxes that have been coming in from our fantastic volunteers. While we were talking, one of the ladies asked me:

“ Is everything you receive the same pattern?”

We get this question often from people who are new to our group and wanting to crochet for us. So many people want to know what our pattern guidelines are for our Keepsake Sets and our Bereavement Sets.

Well, I told our post office ladies what I tell our amazing volunteers when they ask which is this:

We do not require any specific patterns for our blankets, our hats, or even our angel wings. At times, we ask for certain colors and sizes, but patterns are up to the individual who is making the items.

Her response was:

“ They are all special, just like the babies they are going to.”

I couldn’t have phrased it any better! With all of our Keepsake Sets and Bereavement Sets we send out an angel wing, a hat, and a blanket. That is as “set” as it is here at Project Robby.

Everything we send out is beautiful and special in its own way.

If you work at a hospital that would be interested in receiving Project Robby Bereavement Sets, contact us here.

If you have lost a baby, no matter the gestation- no matter how long ago, and would like to receive a Project Robby Keepsake Set, you can fill out our request form here.

How Can I Help Project Robby

The number one question we receive is:

How can I help Project Robby?

Here are a few suggestions for those wanting to help!

Crochet, knit or sew itty bitty hats, blankets, and/or angel wings- We send out Keepsake Sets that range from 4 weeks gestation to full term, and Bereavement Sets that range from 14 weeks gestation through full term. Each set includes a hat, blanket, and set of angel wings. We are so thankful for all of our amazing volunteers!  Here are some helpful links if you are looking to start crocheting/knitting/sewing for us!

We have a page where we try to keep a current list of our needs, and you can find it HERE

Angel wing patterns

Hat Patterns

Select Project Robby as your Amazon Smile Charity– Amazon donates .05% of qualifying purchases to Project Robby if you select us as your charity of choice. All you have to do is start by going to smile.amazon.com!

Shop our Amazon list for supplies– Do you love to shop? We have an Amazon list that lists our frequently used supplies! You can find our Amazon shopping list HERE

 

Pray for families receiving Project Robby Keepsake and Bereavement Sets- The families who are receiving these sets have just lost a child. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

 

Like, Comment, or Share our posts on Facebook- When you interact with us on Facebook, our posts will show up in your friend’s newsfeeds, which means that we are able to reach more people! Even just clicking our posts helps to spread the word about Project Robby. 

 

Participate in Fundraisers- By participating in fundraisers, you help us raise the funds to continue to ship out Project Robby Keepsake Sets and Bereavement Sets. We host two main fundraisers a year; however, this year we have a few extra special fun things up our sleeves! 

 

Sign up for our newsletter & email updates- Signing up for our newsletter helps to keep you in the know on the happenings at Project Robby! We send out a newsletter each month, and when we have some big news we send it out as an email as well! Sign up for our newsletter HERE

 

PayPal Donations- We always accept and appreciate donations. We are a 501c3, which means that all donations are tax deductible. We run on donations, and 100% of the donations go back into Project Robby to help fund pamphlets, shipping boxes, shipping materials, and shipping expenses. You can donate HERE
Facebook Fundraisers- Facebook now has the option to start a fundraiser for non profit organizations! We have had several people donate their birthdays to Project Robby in order to help raise money! We are so thankful to everyone who has done this! If you choose to do this, please let us know! Facebook does not give us any information about who has donated through their fundraising option, which means we do not know who to thank.

We are so thankful to everyone who supports Project Robby! You are the reason why we are able to continue our mission of Helping Families with Angel Babies. ♥

What Does Miscarriage Look Like

Last week this picture popped up in my “On This Day” feature on Facebook.

 

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Three years ago, my mom took this picture of me as I was starting my first day of Graduate School at Lubbock Christian University. When you look at this picture, what do you see? From the outside looking in, you see me sitting at my desk excited about starting my new journey.

However, what you can’t see is what was really going on that day. On that very day three years ago I was miscarrying.

I don’t talk about that loss very often, but when that picture pops up each year, I can’t help but wonder who those little babies (multiples) would have been. It was an early miscarriage at 9 weeks, and we had not announced the pregnancy and we had not told very many people, just family and close friends.

There are many different ways that women grieve the baby that they have lost. I, personally, spent a fair amount of time crying, eating  large amounts of ice cream, and I did not really talk about it much- with anyone. I internalized my loss by retreating from friends and family. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love those babies, that is just how I personally grieved for my loss.

Some women talk about their losses openly.

Some women need something physical to hold onto after they have lost their baby.

Some women wake up the next morning and continue on because that is what they need to do.

Grief is different for everyone. It does not look the same for me as it might for someone else. Although there were similarities, my grief journey was different between my loss with Robby and the loss with my miscarriage.

As someone who is a big supporter of breaking the silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss, I will admit that I have not spoken out very much about my miscarriage 3 years ago. When you open up about a miscarriage, it opens yourself up for judgement on how you handle it.

 

I want to remind myself, as well as those reading this:

 

There is no wrong way to grieve.

 

There is no timeline for grief.

 

At Project Robby we recognize that the journey after losing a child does not look the same for everyone. What is helpful to someone might not be helpful to someone else.

 

If having something tangible to hold onto would help you in your grief journey, please fill out our request form. We would be honored to pick out a hat, blanket, and angel wing for you. ♥