I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Angelica

Angelica’s Story: 

In June 2014 we found out we were pregnant. We had been trying for almost a year. When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew she was a girl almost from the day I found out I was carrying her. With this one, even though I wanted another girl so much, I KNEW he was a boy right away. On July 2nd, 2014 we lost Erich at 4 weeks 6 days. It was one of the most painful things my heart ever had to go through. We haven’t been able to get pregnant again since, which hurts just as much.

 

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

As I hadn’t even had an ultrasound yet, I had nothing tangible to hold after my loss. The day I received my keepsake set I cried. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever been given. Now I had something to hold!

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If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Sarah

Sarah’s story:

I found out about my loss July 17, 2018. I got those words no one ever wants to hear…         “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat.”

The following week I found out I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks gestation. I was devastated. I had to go in for a D&C. Through it all, even though no one was mean about, no one offered me anything to help with my grief. I received no ultrasound pictures, nothing. It was like everyone expected me to just forget about my baby.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

When I found Project Robby it brought me to tears. This meant I could have something to remember my baby by. When I received my package in the mail it truly meant the world to me. It meant the world that someone took the time to help a stranger with their grief when everyone else had expected to just pushed aside.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn’s Story:

Tuesday, August 21,2018 was just like any other day. I had gotten out of bed, and was gonna get ready for work. I showered and as soon as I was changing, I don’t remember anything else.

My mom found me fainted and rushed me to the ER. I was pregnant with a little boy who was as healthy as can be, and very much alive, his heart was beating perfectly.

The only problem, he was in the wrong place… He was in my Fallopian Tube making it an Ectopic Pregnancy.

At that moment my tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally and had to have emergency surgery ASAP. I remember, I kept asking the doctors about my baby. That’s all I cared about no matter if they had told me I was slowly dying. I just wanted to make sure my baby would be fine. That is when they informed me, there was nothing they could do, with pregnancies like this unfortunately they have to remove the baby. My heart dropped at that moment.

My sweet little boy was just gonna get ripped away from me within a matter of seconds and there’s nothing I could do to save him. I not only lost my right tube and my right ovary. I lost a child, what would’ve been my second son.

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

Being that I never got to see my baby, or hold him, or give him lots of kisses and hugs. It’s really taken a toll on me. I didn’t have anything to remember him by. That’s when I found out about Project Robby.

I requested my keepsake and just counted the days till I’d get it. When I opened my package, I was in absolute tears. I fell in love immediately. Everything was just so beautiful! Although a piece of me will always be missing, being able to have a keepsake in memory of my sweet Angelo, fills in that hole ❤️

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jillian

Jillian’s Story:

It was June 19, 2018. I was at work. I’m a Correctional Officer so showing emotion isn’t exactly something you can do. But I could feel something was off.

I went to the restroom and had some spotting. Not a lot to be alarmed of but enough to add to the nagging feeling I was already experiencing. I called my Captain and told him I needed to go home. 3 hours. It took 3 hours to get relieved. I felt numb and powerless. Knowing no matter how fast or how slow it took me to leave it wouldn’t change anything.

I went home to my BF. Told him we needed to go to the hospital. So we packed up our 7 month old daughter and headed out. While at the hospital the U/S tech sounded very excited to report to me baby was measuring at 8 weeks. But I told her that can’t be right I’m almost 13.

She then became silent the rest of the scan. And I knew why. They returned me to my room and I told my BF, I know our baby’s gone. The dr came in an hour later. “I’m sorry your baby had no cardiac activity”.

I knew it. I knew it in my soul. And I broke.

Going through the miscarriage at home was my breaking point. For both me and my boyfriend. It was so quick (pharmaceutically induced). I couldn’t process it all. Here I am 3 months later and I couldn’t go to work. I hated them for making me wait. I’m home trying to heal day by day.

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

The keepsake set made me feel so thankful. That someone else believes my baby was indeed a loss.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Krystal

Krystal’s Story:

One year ago (September 2017) I found out I was pregnant. I was SO EXCITED because I have always wanted a baby. I’ve always dreamed of being a mom. I even have journals that I write to my future children in-that I began in June of 2007 on my wedding day. I’ve had boy and girl names that I’ve chosen for years before I even met my husband. I talk about my children as if they already exist and I always have. They are loved and wanted and so precious.

So when I went for my first ultrasound (8 weeks 5 days) and saw that little heart beating I wanted to be happy but I could tell by the ultrasound techs change of emotion that something was wrong. —and unfortunately, something was wrong. My sweet baby was measuring smaller than expected (5 weeks 3 days) and the heartbeat wasn’t as strong as it should be. Two days later and I lost my baby naturally at what should have been 9 weeks to the day.

I remember that moment so vividly. I was crying my eyes out-not because of the physical pain but the because of the emotional and mental torture of what this meant. I remember apologizing to my baby over and over “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-Mommy is so sorry” as my body failed me in keeping my baby safe and alive.

We don’t know why. We don’t the gender of our precious little one. I just knew I had to honor my baby by naming him or her… so together we chose a name that could be for a boy or a girl. *Payton Leigh Morrow*

On September 15, 2017 I didn’t just lose a pregnancy- I didn’t just lose a baby- I lost an entire future. I lost memories we never got to make and birthday parties we never got to plan. I lost hopes and dreams and instead was given pain and tears and thoughts of “what if” and “what could have been”. I was terrified to try again. It took an entire year (literally- one year exactly) and here we are September 2018 and I’m losing my second precious baby at the same time in my pregnancy as before. We chose the name *London Parker* for this sweet baby. I’m a mess of emotions and I don’t understand why-I probably never will. I still love and trust God. I still have hope and I still pray. I will keep trying despite the heartbreak. I hope and pray that I will get to keep and hold a baby here on this Earth. For now, I just grieve for the future that I don’t get to have with the two babies that I will forever love and miss.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

I found out about Project Robby and asked for a keepsake set. They sent me a beautiful hat, blanket, and angel wings. I cried in my car as I put the little hat on the tip of my finger. This sweet keepsake set makes me feel like I have something tangible to hold on to since I can’t hold my sweet Payton. I tell everyone I know that has been through a loss about Project Robby. I’m so thankful for their love and generosity. They are amazing.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jamie

Jamie’s Story: I lost my only son at 16 weeks and 5 days on 7/18/17. I was determined to have a vaginal delivery and in doing so I bled out and almost lost my life. I would do it the same way over again in a heartbeat.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her: It means the world to me. I had the blood test to find out the gender and I was told I was having a girl so everything I had for my baby was for a girl but when they performed the autopsy I found out I had a little boy. The keepsake is the only boy thing I have to remember him by.

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Megan

I had an ectopic that I started loosing at only 5 weeks. Since we lost our child so young, we never saw an ultrasound picture and we didn’t buy many things yet.

Having something tangible to look at and hold means the world. So many people don’t recognize our loss as a loss, makes me feel like my baby wasn’t real or it wasn’t a loss.

Having something as intimate as a blanket, hat, and wings makes my child more real and easier to grieve knowing I lost a child and not just a pregnancy.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Lainee

I lost my sweet baby at just 8 weeks. We had only known about the pregnancy for two weeks, but after trying for so long, we were so happy! The day I lost the baby was one of the worst days of my life. It was March 21st. My baby was due November 1st. I should be getting ready to welcome a baby. But now the baby is my angel!

 

The keepsake set that I received is the only tangible thing I have in remembrance of my baby. I didn’t get any ultrasound pictures because the baby was already gone by the time I got to have one. So having the tiny hat and blanket that I can hold onto means so much to me. It is one of my most treasured possessions!

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Tanner and Amanda Smith

During the month of October we will be featuring women who have received Project Robby Bereavement and Keepsake Sets in our “ I didn’t just lose a pregnancy” series on our website.

 

I wanted to start the series off by talking a little bit about my story, because “I didn’t just lose a pregnancy.”

 

Robert (Robby)  James Smith was born at 23 weeks gestation on February 24th, 2012. I went into preterm labor on the 20th, and labored with him in the hospital until my body could not hold out any longer. He lived for two precious hours in our arms before going to heaven. When Robby was born, the hospital did not have anything small enough to fit his perfect, yet very tiny little head, but the nurse did her best to find something that would come as close as possible to fitting. The hat that Robby wore was and continues to be one of my most treasured possessions. For a long time, I carried his hat around with me wherever I went. I slept with it, I even took it on the cruise that my mom and I went on with my grandmother shortly after Robby died. It brought me so much comfort to have something of his.

 

That hat is where the idea of Project Robby came from. When Project Robby was started, it was about me trying to find a way to honor Robby’s life. I wanted people to know that although Robby’s life was brief, his life mattered. What happened along the way is that it began to be about more. Project Robby began to transform into a way for me to help other women through the heartbreaking loss of their baby.

 

Project Robby isn’t just sending out beautifully handmade hats, blankets, and angel wings. Project Robby is about letting women know that their baby matters. It doesn’t matter how tiny your baby was, how premature your baby was, or how brief your baby was here with you.

 

I know first hand that pregnancy and infant loss is something that can be isolating. I want women to know that you are not alone.

I want women to know that it is okay to be sad, and it is okay to be angry.

It is okay to miss your baby.

It is okay to talk about your baby.

 

I am so thankful that Project Robby is reaching so many women, and that we are able to serve these women by letting them know that their baby matters.

 

At Project Robby we acknowledge that all losses are heartbreaking.

We acknowledge that your baby mattered no matter at what gestation they existed.

We don’t just say it, we believe it. Your baby matters. You didn’t just lose a pregnancy. It wasn’t just a “sad” or “unfortunate” thing that happened. You lost a tiny little life who will forever change you, and you deserve to know that your baby matters.

 

It is my hope that when a family receives their keepsake or bereavement set, that they are able to find at least a little bit of comfort as I did with the little hat that I have from Robby.

 

If you have received a set from Project Robby and would like to be featured, please fill out this form.  

The Pattern Guidelines For Project Robby Donations

Our town has a wonderful little post office with the kindest and most helpful people! The other day I was talking with the ladies at the post office and they were commenting on the amount of boxes that have been coming in from our fantastic volunteers. While we were talking, one of the ladies asked me:

“ Is everything you receive the same pattern?”

We get this question often from people who are new to our group and wanting to crochet for us. So many people want to know what our pattern guidelines are for our Keepsake Sets and our Bereavement Sets.

Well, I told our post office ladies what I tell our amazing volunteers when they ask which is this:

We do not require any specific patterns for our blankets, our hats, or even our angel wings. At times, we ask for certain colors and sizes, but patterns are up to the individual who is making the items.

Her response was:

“ They are all special, just like the babies they are going to.”

I couldn’t have phrased it any better! With all of our Keepsake Sets and Bereavement Sets we send out an angel wing, a hat, and a blanket. That is as “set” as it is here at Project Robby.

Everything we send out is beautiful and special in its own way.

If you work at a hospital that would be interested in receiving Project Robby Bereavement Sets, contact us here.

If you have lost a baby, no matter the gestation- no matter how long ago, and would like to receive a Project Robby Keepsake Set, you can fill out our request form here.