I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Aixa

Aiza’s Story:

My son Mateo Orlando was born on September 12, 2019 at 19 weeks in Puerto Rico at 10:38 in the morning. Today September 12, 2020 its his Firts Birthday In Heaven. I would give anything to have him with me right now.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

For me it is like having my son always with me, at all times. Thanks to you, I can feel my son close to me.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jess

Jess’s Story:

July 1st, 2019 we lost our baby boy at 16 weeks. I had started leaking amniotic fluid the afternoon before and about 10 mins later I was in labor. I delivered our sweet boy at 6 AM July 1st. Our whole world came crashing down that day. All of our plans with our baby were suddenly taken from us. We were left with so many what ifs.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

It meant the world to us. I ended up using our Project Robby Set in our shadow box. It gave us comfort and went together so well.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Nicole

Nicole’s Story:

Hi there! Our names are Nicole and Jeremy. Our story started on April 19, 2019.

I was home alone and had a gut instinct that I needed to take a pregnancy test. Much to my surprise, it was positive. Having two previous miscarriages, I was scared and nervous. I didn’t know what to expect next, but we couldn’t turn around a run, so we took this on, knowing we had each other.

Being a type two diabetic, I was considered high risk. In my area, they have a group class not only for us high risk pregnancies, but specifically for diabetics. I had a group of woman who knew what I was going through, we became a family. After a couple meetings I finally felt like it was all going to be okay and started to get excited for this bundle of joy!

Week 8 went by, then comes week 12! I finally felt like it was okay to tell people that we were expecting, we passed the first trimester, which was HUGE in my book! As more people found out, we had a great support system that was excited to meet this bundle of joy.

Flash forward, we are at week 19, day 6. A day of fishing, doing what we absolutely love to do and m excited to teach our new addition the tricks of the trade. It was a day of no luck but lots of love and laughs. Boy was I tired though, we got home and wanted to rest, so we laid down. That’s when everything happened. So fast and so sudden. My back started to hurt, but didn’t think much of it. I mean, a boat seat isn’t exactly pregnant lady friendly. I took a bath trying to relax and relieve the pain. Only to make it worse, I had run out of options. So I laid back down, back and forth to the bathroom feeling like I had to go (sorry, tmi I know). Finally, one last trip and my water broke.

I was absolutely devastated because I knew… We rushed to the hospital, knowing to expect the worst. A little after midnight, on my 20th week to the day, July 29th, 2019 we gave birth to our baby girl, Paisley.

I didn’t want to see her and just wanted to go home. I didn’t want to be there, living a nightmare I didn’t think I would have to. I was just going to leave like she didn’t matter, without my baby. They took pictures with a disposable camera put in a bereavement box put nicely together by the hospital. In the state of WI when you give birth after 20 weeks, you must deal with the funeral home. I am SO happy for that law, because even though she may not be physically here, we now have her ashes. I would give anything to have my baby here with us but I know she’s somewhere, watching us. I have no idea how I came across Project Robby but I am SO happy I did. The set is absolutely beautiful and fits our baby girl to a T. This organization has GIGANTIC hearts and I couldn’t thank them enough for filling a void that I never knew needed to be filled. The blanket/wings/hat set makes me feel that much closer to our baby. ❤️

What her Project Robby set means to her:

This Project Robby set makes me feel so close to my baby. Like she mattered. I love this set, more than anything!

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kimberly

Kimberly’s Story:

Since we started trying to conceive in October of 2018, we have lost three babies.

Our first- a missed miscarriage at 9 1/2 weeks, our second, a chemical loss right at 5 weeks, and our third an ectopic- an ordeal that ended up lasting over a full month and ended with me in the hospital. All with 5 failed rounds of fertility treatments thrown in the mix.

The first baby we were able to find out the gender through a chromosome analysis- a little boy. The second and third we will never know, but I had strong feelings of a girl and a boy, respectively. We named them Dylan, Rae, and Blake.

Going through the pandemic with these losses has been exceptionally hard- struggling with pregnancy announcements, quarantine baby jokes, “being quarantined without kids must be nice” jokes…these all have taken quite a toll on us. Unfortunately recurrent losses seem to be a family curse. I’m both hopeful and terrified for what the future holds. I’m devastated a positive pregnancy test will never be a joyous moment for me again.

I’m heartbroken I have three babies in Heaven and none in my arms. I’m sad most of the time. I’m confused, angry, and resentful much of the time. But I am learning to process these feelings. I’m learning to let go of the anger towards my body. I’m learning that though the path that would have had me already with a baby in my arms would have been beautiful, but that doesn’t mean this one can’t be as well. And I’m doing everything I can to make sure other women don’t feel alone and to help destigmatize pregnancy loss.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Sets mean to her:

I have three sets- one for each baby lost. They give me something physical to grieve over when I’m at my worst. They give me something beautiful to look at while I’m in my moments of hope. They acknowledge my babies lives and the significance of each one. They validate the pain of each loss. I am so so grateful for this organization.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Amber

Amber’s Story:

When I was about 14 I was told I would never have my own children. If I did, I would need a lot of medical intervention to help make it happen.

Fast forward 13 years, I was having a medical flare up that sent me to the ER. I was so sick I couldn’t keep anything down at all. When we got to the hospital they asked all the regular questions, “could you possibly be pregnant?” I just answered “no”, like I was told all those years ago.

The doctor ordered some blood work and ran some tests. My husband and I were just hanging out in the room while I was hooked up to fluids hoping something would help me feel better when the doctor and nurse came back in with the exciting news. The doctor asked why I thought I couldn’t be pregnant, so I explained.

Then she hit us with the most shocking news. We were pregnant!!

What we thought was a flare up ending up being extremely severe morning sickness. They loaded me up with fluids and pamphlets and sent us home with the exciting news. I ended up back in the ER and urgent care 3 more times for several more bags of fluids in the short time I was knowingly pregnant and had been diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG).

Then one Sunday evening I woke up to a little cramping and then bleeding. I already had a doctor appointment the next morning so I just told my husband what happened and went to sleep. Deep down I think I knew but just didn’t want to believe it. The doctor sent me in for some bloodwork and then called me later that day to break the news. We had lost our little miracle baby shortly after finding out we were even pregnant.

It’s been just over a year now since we lost our sweet angel Brighton Finley and it still hurts just as much today as it did then. I know one day our time will come and our rainbow baby will have the sweetest guardian angel.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set mean to her:

Receiving my Project Robby set meant so much to me, I honestly don’t know how to explain how much. Since I had such and early term miscarriage we didn’t even have an ultrasound picture to hold onto. I received my set the day before the one year anniversary of losing Brighton and the timing couldn’t have been better. It gave us something to hold onto and help keep the memory of our angel alive in a more physical manner.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jessica

Jessica’s Story:

I didn’t just lose a pregnancy. I lost my first daughter- the baby I had dreamed of my entire life. I had never wanted anything in the world more than I wanted to be a mother and this horrible loss was the way I became one. I lost my innocence in pregnancy and I lost every hope and dream I had for her and our family. I lost my dream birth experience with our wonderful midwife team. I lost her first cries and her first steps. I’ve now lost 5 birthdays with her. I lost the honeymoon phase of my marriage, where instead we were brought closer together in grief. I lost late nights nursing her while she smiled in her sleep, like our second daughter later did. I lost the carefree excitement in that second pregnancy and only knew fear and pain. I lost the idea that I ever could’ve had both of my babies here with me. With every milestone Judy hits, we see what we lost when Helen died.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

Having things that were just her size meant that she was real, if only to her Daddy and Me. Sometimes it felt like we were so alone in missing her, but I knew we weren’t.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Allie

Allie’s Story:

Our first pregnancy was ectopic. This after we were told it was a one in a million chance to have kids at all. Our next pregnancy was twins, our daughter was born that Fall, but her twin was lost at seven weeks. Everyone was focused on the baby born and I couldn’t help but feel like another angel was forgotten and ignored. After that we had our son, a miracle. Everyone was so happy, girl and boy and we were done! So lucky one of each! But there were still holes in our hearts where our two angel babies are.

We FELT there was still someone we were meant to meet… We tried for one more. We lost this one at 9 weeks… we actually saw their last heartbeat… as our tech tried to find the heartbeat… “beat…..” they found it! “Silence…” why is it so slow? “Beat….” there it is!!! “Silence….” and he was gone. “Please look again!!!” Nothing.

After that we got pregnant with twins again. Lost one at 9 weeks. I stopped doing anything… I was so scared. Then we found out the other was having so many problems, the pregnancy would not last. We lost him at 17 weeks. Five angel babies, two on Earth.

Our kids begged for a little brother and I said we were done, I could not do this anymore. A year and a half later we had that little brother, and five angels looking over our family of five on Earth. When he was born we brought ALL the kids’ baby blankets and had our first and only complete family photo when our last Rainbow was born.

What their Project Robby Keepsake Sets mean to them:

Having these mementos- blankets, hats, wings- means the world. It gave us the strength to share them and finally name them all. To make sure it’s not just us who know them. It has helped heal our hearts some ❤️