I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Zyanya

Zyanya’s Story

I have started out writing our story for this 3 times in the last few weeks. Each time I got partway through, and realized it would be too long for anyone to want to sit down and read. The reality is it’s been too long for us to want to experience too!

We have lost 4 babies in the last 5 1/2 years. Some dates that mean a lot to us are :

Feb 5, 2015 – the first day we realized we were pregnant

Apr 25, 2015 – the day I told my hubby (and family) we were pregnant again (although I knew on the 22nd)

October 17, 2018 – the day we got our next positive test after 3.5 years of infertility, endless Dr appointments, and fertility meds. The day we began thinking maybe it was our turn for a miracle.

October 10, 2019 – the day we got another positive test, and thought maybe, just maybe, this time it was our turn.

But with those dates come a laundry list of difficult dates :

Feb 11, 2015 – the day we lost our first baby

Apr 26, 2015 – the day we lost our second baby

October 10, 2015 – what should have been our first due date – we spent this day in the NICU with our brand new niece, and my whole family. We felt very alone that day even though we were surrounded by love.

November 17, 2015 – our first appointment with the fertility clinic

December 31, 2015 – should have been our second due date.

February 16, 2016 – the day we were told there was absolutely no reason for our losses and everything was fine according to blood tests. Nobody could figure out why, for some reason, after our second loss I stopped ovulating

Nov 8, 2018 – our first ultrasound date. We were so excited for this day! We thought for sure it would be a happy day, and we had our announcement photo all ready to go as soon as we heard a heartbeat. But we didn’t. And things weren’t measuring as they should have been.

Nov 29, 2018 – the day of my D&C. So so many emotions on that day 😦

June 22, 2019 – should have been our 3rd due date Oct 18, 2019 – the day a blood test told us that this little miracle probably wasn’t viable.

June 17, 2020 – should have been our 4th due date

Our journey is still ongoing. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is our reality. I have been pregnant more times than most women, and yet our house is quiet and our arms are empty. Our first 2 babies would have started Kindergarten this year. We should have a toddler and a little little. But instead we have 4 little Butterfly Babies that for some reason were too delicate for this world.

We still long for answers. And we still hope that one day, somehow, a miracle will join our family on this earth ♡

What her Project Robby Keepsake Sets mean to her:

Our Keepsake sets mean the world to us. Because of the nature of our losses we have nothing physical to remember our babies by except medical reports, blood test results, and hospital wristbands. We were refused a copy of our ultrasound photo, because there was no heartbeat. Our 4 matching Keepsake sets give us a physical reminder of our angel babies.