I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jennifer

Jennifer’s Story:

Jasmine was my 4th baby. I found out I was pregnant with her 2 weeks after my 35th birthday.

My pregnancy with her was completely different than my 3 previous pregnancies. I had constant nausea and vomiting, migraines, and then my blood pressure was elevated. The hypertension led to my doctors prescribing me several blood pressure medications and putting me on bedrest. Despite those things my blood pressure was never able to be controlled and it was ultimately decided that Jasmine had a better chance of survival in the NICU than in my uterus.

On October 31, 2014 at 5:19 p.m. my baby girl Jasmine was born via classical C-section. She was my first C-section so I didn’t know what to expect (despite being an OB RN for 11 years) but I knew that the completely silent operating room was not a good sign.

I was still on the operating room table waiting for my surgery to end and after what seemed like an eternity the neonatologist came over to speak with us. She told us that she was so sorry but they tried to resuscitate Jasmine for 16 minutes and they couldn’t save her.

At that moment my life changed forever. The first night was a blur.

I remember being wheeled to the recovery room and seeing Jasmine.

I vaguely remember that first night being in my hospital room with my family, the chaplain, my nurses, and one of my very good friends.

I definitely remember my 11 year old daughter holding Jasmine and asking when her baby sister was going to wake up.

I definitely remember telling her that Jasmine was not going to wake up because she passed away.

I definitely remember the look on my 11 year old’s face and the tears that streamed down from her beautiful big brown eyes.

The next day was when it all hit me like a ton of bricks….my beautiful baby girl was dead. She was perfect. She looked like a tiny, sleeping doll. She was too small to fit a diaper or even any of the clothes the hospital had for her. Jasmine had my head, my nose, my legs, and my feet. She was a much smaller version of her siblings….but she was cold, freezing cold.

Jasmine stayed in the room with us that day. I didn’t want her to be alone. I wanted to spend every second with her because I knew that once we went home we’d never see her again. We held her, took pictures of her, examined her from her head to her toes, we cried, we smiled, we even laughed at her for being so difficult during my pregnancy. That was the day her nose started bleeding. I wasn’t expecting that but I got a box of tissues and wiped the blood away as often as possible. Jasmine’s body was starting to get stiff. I tried to ignore it but I knew what was happening. Her facial features were changing too. Her full pink lips were starting to thin out and turn blue. Her nose was getting darker. At some point after I fell asleep that night my nurse took Jasmine for the night.

When I woke up the next morning I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t even know why I was crying. My nurse came in and asked what she could do to help and all I could manage to say was, “Please, bring me my baby.” Once I held Jasmine I noticed that she didn’t look the way she did the night before. She was changing faster than I expected. I knew that since I had a c-section my insurance would cover a 4 day hospital stay but Jasmine had been born barely 36 hours ago and looked drastically different, how would she look if we stayed for 2 more days? I decided that I would go home that afternoon. I wanted to remember Jasmine as my perfectly beautiful baby girl and I was afraid that if we stayed in the hospital that she wouldn’t look that way. Before we left, I changed Jasmine’s clothes. Her little body was stiff and cold. Her full pink lips were now thin and blue, her nose was much darker than it was when she was born and it was still bleeding. I knew it was time to say goodbye.

No amount of time with Jasmine would have been enough.

I would give anything to hold her again, to have her here with me. The time we had with her can never be replaced. It can never be redone. It was the only time we will ever have with her. I don’t have a picture of all 4 of my children together. I’ll never have that picture. I don’t have a picture of Jasmine with her parents and her siblings….just a regular family portrait that most families have. Jasmine never had a bath, she never wore a diaper…..just some of the things I wish I would’ve thought of doing when we were with her. In her memory my hospital (not the one where she was born since I changed jobs after I lost her) helped me create a room for other angel parents to spend time, bond, and say goodbye to their babies. With the help of the public we were also able to donate a CuddleCot to the hospital in Jasmine’s name. She was a tiny little thing but her brief life is helping to make a difference to other angel baby families.

What receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set meant to her:

It meant the world to me. This has been a really hard time for me. Jasmine should have started kindergarten this year. She should be turning 6 on Halloween. Receiving the Project Robby keepsake set was just what I needed. A sweet reminder that Jasmine is not forgotten. It seems like when I’m in my darkest moments she finds a way to reach out. This time she did it through the Project Robby keepsake set.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kayla

My name is Kayla Joiner and my husband and I met and said goodbye to our first born baby, Luca, on the same day. 24 weeks and two days. My stillborn baby.

July 10th, 2018 the best and worst day of my life. On February 16th 2018, a few days after my 27th birthday, I took a positive pregnancy test and my husband and I were over the moon excited. The weeks went by like normal. One dating ultrasound scan and then one at 15 weeks for an early gender reveal. Everything was going smoothly so we thought.

Our life changed forever when we went in for our 20 week anatomy scan and they told us our sweet baby was showing signs of possible Spina Bifida and a few other things that they thought may indicate a chromosomal abnormality. I was completely shocked and heartbroken at the thought that my sweet boy may struggle throughout his life. They sent us to a specialist who confirmed the suspicions of our OBGYN. She said there was a chance they could correct the spina bifida while he was still in my belly, but we needed a confirmed diagnosis in order to proceed so we did an amniocentesis in office that day.

I was almost 21 weeks at this point and they liked to do the surgeries around 22 weeks for best results. It was painful physically, but the moment the needle touched my belly the tears started flowing and didn’t stop as all of my emotions came to the surface. I was just so worried about Luca and what challenges life had in store for him.

That weekend my family and I spent all of our time researching hospitals that performed the in utero spina bifida surgery to decide which one we wanted to go to. At this moment the only thought that my mind had was that Luca may have Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida. I was extremely emotional and scared, but I was positive we could give him the best life possible. When Monday came and the specialists office called us to tell us they had the results from the amnio and they were ready for us to come in to discuss them.

My husband and I rushed over as fast as we could. I was more scared than I’ve ever been, but I kept praying and was being as positive that I could. I was holding on to every thread of hope that I could that this was all going to be okay and that maybe they got it wrong and the amnio results would show no abnormalities at all.

But, things took another turn in just a few seconds. “The results of the amniocentesis show that your baby has Triploidy, he has 3 sets of chromosomes instead of two. It is not hereditary or genetic, but it is incompatible with life.”

She said there was no way to tell how long Luca would live. Would he pass away while I was carrying him or make it to birth and live for minutes or hours? She gave us options that no mother ever wants to hear.

We decided that since Luca’s fate had already been decided for him that I would carry him for as long as his little body would let me. Since he wasn’t in any pain, we wanted to spend any time we had with him. I had a home doppler and we listened to his little heartbeat beat strong every night.

One weekend I couldn’t find it and even though I tried to be positive and say that he was just being in a stubborn position I knew he was gone. Everything until this point had been terrible, but the worst thing had to be that Monday morning when they brought us in for an ultrasound to check for his heartbeat.

As soon as the ultrasound tech put the machine to my belly and I saw him I knew he was gone.

My baby who had once been so active on all the ultrasounds was now so so still. My husband and I just hugged each other harder than I think we ever had.

‘They sent us over to be induced and he was born the next day. July 10th, 2018 at 12:51 pm. 3 days before my husbands 28th birthday. We met and said goodbye to Luca in the same day. We hugged and kissed and loved on his sweet little self as much as we could. We love him more than anyone could ever understand. He has taught us so much about unconditional love. He now has a little sister. Our rainbow girl, Mila. She’s a year old now and we’re trying to teach her her big brothers name. She always gets a huge smile on her face when we say it and I know that’s a sign from Heaven. I see our Luca in her sweet face every day. And we are so blessed to be their mommy and daddy. No matter if that means loving and honoring our Luca from afar.

What receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set meant to her:

When Luca was born he was so fragile and so we weren’t able to change him into the little clothes we had brought. So when we got the Project Robby Keepsake it meant SO much to my husband and I. Now we have something his size to cherish forever. And to share with Luca’s little sister. The angel wings are my favorite reminder that we will see him again one day.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Bethany

Bethany’s Story

In August 2018 my husband and I had just celebrated our wedding anniversary and went camping with family and our 9 month old son. When we got back I had this weird feeling and decided to take a test even though we were using birth controls. In 3 minutes, a faint positive line appeared and I froze. Terrified. My son was only 9 months old and I wasn’t yet healed 100% from his birth and complications.

Fast forward to 12 weeks along and everything was going great. We told family we were expecting and then…I was rushed to the hospital for bleeding. I thought for sure it was the start of a miscarriage. I was diagnoses with a subchorionic hematoma. The ER doctor said baby and the heartbeat were looking fine and sent me home saying it was like a blood blister on my uterus where the baby had been attached before the placenta formed.

Five weeks later at 17 weeks I woke up to get my son out of his playpen and my water broke! All I saw was blood and fluid everywhere. I was terrified times 1000! I went to the doctor that morning and it was confirmed my water broke.

Baby was still okay, and if the sac did not reseal itself in a week or two they would look into other options. At 19 weeks they determined that the sac did not reseal. The baby was growing but the lungs and other organs were not measuring to 19wks.

My husband and I turned white with the news that our baby would not make it on its own or medical complications would arise and cause to end the pregnancy would follow. Three doctors and 10 nurses rushed into the room to explain this situation to us and all I heard were Charlie Brown voices while I looked at the screen of my precious baby still moving and kicking around. Despite the circumstances in front of us I selfishly decided to keep carrying the baby.

At 22 weeks and the week of Christmas, I was rushed back to the hospital with fluid and blood gushes, thinking the worst. At labor and delivery it was confirmed that I was still losing fluid and that baby was squished and organs stopped growing at 16 weeks.

At that point my health declined badly and it was no longer viable to continue to carry. At 23 weeks and 5 days I had to do the unthinkable. I had to do the most gut wrenching thing a mother could do. I had to end my pregnancy. If I would have chosen to give birth, my baby was given 12% chance of survival and that was before the cord was cut. Afterwards it went to a 2% chance. The lungs and other organs were not viable to carry on the baby’s life. I would have watched my baby gasp for air and die within minutes. I was going thru enough and didn’t want to see that. I had a living child at home to think about.

When I tell you my story almost 2 years later know that I did everything within my control to save my baby. The decision I had to make felt like a thousand knives ripping through my heart. It was a decision I did not make lightly. It was best for my unborn child who didn’t deserve to gasp for air and hurt. I just found out the sex of that baby. I would have had a little boy. We have named him Liam. It means fighter and warrior like and he was exactly that. Fought until the last second.

What receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set meant to her:

EVERYTHING! I never got to hold, kiss, or see my baby. I never got the chance to buy him anything. To have something “of him” to physically hold is comforting. Brings me some peace. I know he is with God.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Alexandra

Alexandra’s Story:

On May 15, 2018 I went for my 8 weeks ultrasound. I was nervous but excited to see our baby! When the tech told us everything looked great and the baby had a healthy heartbeat of 150 bpm we went home even more excited that our risk for miscarriage was now less than 5%. My due date was set for December 26, 2018! A Christmas baby! The perfect gift.

On May 26, 2018 we decided to go for an elective ultrasound to see how much our baby had grown. We got to the ultrasound place and the tech was smiling at us congratulating us on our new addition. When she placed the wand on my belly and started looking around I saw something that looked like a blob.

Was the baby still supposed to look like a blob at 10 weeks? Why wasn’t the baby moving? Why wasn’t there a little flicker of a heartbeat? Was I missing something? The tech was quiet and didn’t say anything while she continued to scan.

I remember saying “I don’t see a heartbeat” and after a long pause she quietly replied that she was so sorry, but she didn’t see one either.

At that moment our world came crashing down. I sat there paralyzed as time stood still. My husband had gotten up and walked out of the room, but I just continued to sit there in disbelief staring at the screen. Then I got up and just walked out without saying a word. While we sat in the car in complete shock my mom came to get my 18 month old son. I called my OB who told me to head to the ER to confirm that I had in fact suffered a missed miscarriage because it was Memorial Day weekend and the office was closed.

When we got to the ER I was put into a private room. By that point I was angry and crying non stop. Could this really be? I still felt pregnant! I wasn’t bleeding or cramping. What was going on? I was wheeled back to do an ultrasound where they confirmed my worst fear. The baby had died 2 weeks prior shortly after our “perfect” 8 week appointment but my body had no idea.

I had what was called a missed miscarriage. A missed (or silent) miscarriage is one where the baby has died or not developed, but has not been physically miscarried. In many cases, there has been no sign that anything was wrong, so the news can come as a complete shock.

After speaking with my OB and midwife I was given 3 options:

1. Wait for the miscarriage to occur naturally at some point.

2. Schedule a D&C surgery for after the holiday.

3. Take the misoprostol pills at home and pass the baby there that same day.

I went with option 3 because I couldn’t handle carrying around my dead baby any longer. After taking the pills around 3pm that afternoon the process started and it was the worst experience of my life. It was painful, worse than labor, and there was blood, so much blood. Around 10pm we went back to the hospital because I was in so much pain I was throwing up and so close to passing out that I couldn’t even stand. By midnight the worst of it was over and I had passed the baby at the ER.

We buried him under a memorial stone in my parents garden a few days later. We decided to name our baby Noah even though we had no confirmation of gender, I was sure that he was a boy. Noah means rest and peace so we thought it was perfect. The days, weeks, and months after my loss were a blur of anger and sadness. I was angry at everyone and everything. I kept thinking why me? Why my baby? I didn’t feel like I was in a good place to try again even though all I wanted was another baby. I couldn’t look at pregnant women, couldn’t look at babies without it bringing me to a dark place. I was constantly reliving my loss and was having a very hard time healing. When I saw those two pink lines I had started to imagine a life for my baby. What would he be like? Would my older son be his best friend? Would he come on his due date? What would he look like? How much would he weigh? When would he get his first tooth? Would he walk early like his brother? The moment I found out that he had died that was all ripped away. It felt like this life I had imagined so excitedly had been stolen from me.

What receiving Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

When it came in the mail I couldn’t stop crying. The sweet handwritten note touched my heart. The set gave me something I can physically hold to remind me of my son. All I have is one ultrasound picture from 2 weeks before we lost him. This set helped bring me peace and honor my son gone too soon. Every time I see my keepsake set it reminds me how love and missed my son is.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kimmy

Kimmy’s Story:

Almost a year to the day apart we lost two babies in our first trimester. I went in for my first appointment to determine gestation and that’s when I was sent to a room and told my body was miscarrying. The next year we lost another baby around the same age as our first. This time it was at home and made a little more real. Both were very difficult to work through and I wonder every day who they would be and how they would play with their older and younger brother.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

Receiving this set has meant so much. I have a physical reminder that my babies existed. I have a shadow box with the set going into it so we can have it on the family photo wall to honor their existence. I can hold something to feel comfort and like I can connect it to my babies.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Kayla

Kayla’s Story:

In October 2018 I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I was surprised because I was on birth control but I was also really excited. I always knew in my heart that I would have a 3rd baby and I truly planned it at some point later on in life. I just knew I would have 3 beautiful kids.

Things didn’t work out like I thought they would unfortunately.

I would have never known I was pregnant if it wouldn’t have been for the chronic morning sickness. It was so bad! I couldn’t hold down any type of food and I can remember thinking about how horrible it was and how I had never had it that severe with my other two kids. My first two pregnancies were completely normal with no complications whatsoever. However, this pregnancy was much more different and much more scarier to me. My feet started swelling around 12 weeks and that was also a symptom I was not used to. I thought this pregnancy would just be like all of the others but it wasn’t…..not even the slightest.

At 16 weeks on Dec. 16th, 2018 I began to have some light cramping early that morning. It felt like Braxton Hicks but I wasn’t too concerned at that point. Throughout the day the cramping got worse. Sometime later that afternoon the cramping became unbearable, and I eventually went to lay down on my mother’s bed in her room where it was quiet. As I laid there in her room the pain kept getting worse and I knew I would have to get up and go to the ER now. I managed to ease myself up out of my mother’s bed but what happened next was the most horrifying experience ever.

As I put my feet on the floor and slowly stood up straight I felt a fish of hot liquid burst out of me and through my pajama pants. I could feel it gushing down both legs and I was afraid to look down. When I did look down finally it was a scary sight. My pants from top to bottom were covered in bright red blood. Fear shoved its way into my mind at that point and I was absolutely terrified! I slowly made my way towards the bathroom. I didn’t even think about what was happening to me. My mind was frozen. I couldn’t breath. I took my pajamas off and sat down on the toilet. It was the only thing I knew to do. At this point my body wanted me to push and naturally it did. This is when the realization kicked in. I didn’t want to deliver in the bathroom or a toilet. So all I could do was scream for my mom. She ran into the bathroom and she was shocked by what she saw. She looked down at my bloody clothes and then she looked back at me. Her face was pale and colorless. I can’t imagine what my face looked like in those moments. I was beginning to feel extremely weak and dizzy. I was losing so much blood now!!!!

My mom wanted to rush me to the ER but she had to stay home with my two other children. Nobody else was there to watch them. She was afraid if I drove I would pass out at the wheel from losing too much blood. She wanted me to take an ambulance instead but I feared that there wasn’t enough time. I knew my baby was coming and I knew I couldn’t lose much more blood without dying. She helped me get on new pajamas and I folded a towel up to put in my panties. It was a total mess. I proceeded to my car and I took the chance of driving.

All the way to the ER I prayed desperately and I lost consciousness a couple times as well. I was extremely lucky that night and I could feel God there guiding me and helping me through this nightmare. I made it the ER somehow with God’s protection. They rushed me up to Labor and Delivery. I had bled through the towel and these clothes as well. I was bleeding so badly and I knew I would probably die from blood loss. The doctor said I was extremely lucky that I made it there after losing that much blood, especially driving! The doctor did an ultrasound and decided to deliver my baby and do a D&C procedure afterwards.

At 8:02 pm my sweet baby boy Matthew was born at 16 weeks. He was unbelievably small and could fit in the palms of my hands. I was lucky enough to hold him for a long time and get a picture of him as well.

He was absolutely beautiful in every way. He was perfect. He had ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers. I just wish I could have known what color his eyes and hair would have been. I stared at him for the longest time. I thank God every day for that opportunity.

The worst thing in the world is going into the hospital pregnant but coming out not pregnant and with no baby either. It is utterly heart breaking. You never recover from something like that. The D&C procedure was absolutely terrifying and horrible. I will never forget it. I was in so much pain. He had to stop the bleeding too of course. They also gave me a couple pills to take to help me pass any more blood or tissue left behind. I ended up needing blood 2 or 3 times total and it took months for my body to heal completely and get back to normal. I was so weak for so long. I couldn’t make myself get out of bed. And to make things even worse I was dealing with severe depression and anxiety now as well. The worst part is coming home and still dealing with the symptoms. My body still thought it was pregnant for a while! I still had to deal with the horrible morning sickness and swelling feet. Every day it reminded me of my loss. 😭

December 2018 was the worst time of my life and it’s something you will never forget. I think about my sweet baby boy every single day. I think about what he would look like now and what his personality would be like. I would give anything to have him in our lives. It was hard on his big brother and sister as well. They really wanted him around. We miss him. We had nothing to remember him by either. We celebrate him every year on his estimated birthday & the day we lost him. I will never forget the day that I lost my angel. You will NEVER be forgotten Matthew Thomas! 12/16/18….A day etched in my heart. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

What Kayla’s Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

I didn’t have anything to remind me of my sweet baby boy sadly. Someone told me about Project Robby and how it did wonders for them mentally. I thought I would check out their page one day while I was online searching for memorial ideas. I was amazed. I live in a very small town and our hospital here doesn’t offer any thing sentimental or otherwise after losing a child or family member. It truly is devastating. All places should offer something sentimental for the parents afterwards in my opinion. You need something to remind you of that child.

I reached out to Project Robby and they sent me a keepsake set. I didn’t think it would be a big deal really. However, when my set came in the mail I was so shocked and surprised! My heart started to flutter and then beat out of my chest. They sent me a handmade baby blanket, baby hat, and a beautiful set of angel wings. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You could tell someone really put a lot of effort, work, and love into this set. The blanket and rest of set were made of yarn. The blanket was made of white yarn but the outside edges of the blanket were rainbow colors 🌈. There were so many beautiful colors! The hat was also white but the Pom Pom on top of the hat was an assortment of rainbow colored yarn.

The set was stunning. I cried for a long time but they were happy tears. This blanket and hat meant so much to me!!! I treasure it with all of my heart and soul. My sweet angel’s set now resides safely in a beautiful shadow box hanging on the wall in my living room along with his wings, his angel baby made by Willow Tree, my card from Project Robby, a picture of Matthew, and my beautiful necklace and charm set from “Held Your Whole Life”. All of these things mean more to me than anyone could imagine. They are all I have left of my sweet angel baby.

Thank you Project Robby for everything y’all do. You have an amazing organization and I pray that y’all are able to continue making grieving mothers a gift as wonderful as these sets. They mean so very much to so very many. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🥰

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Natalie

Natalie’s Story

We lost our first baby 6 years ago at 8 weeks.

We never got to meet him/her or even see him/her on an ultrasound. The one ultrasound I had showed no signs of a baby since I had already begun to miscarry.

The only confirmation we had was a positive pregnancy test. It was hard to grasp that our baby was truly apart of us but the next minute had left us so quickly.

Cue the tears. 2.5 years ago we went through a much more tragic, incomplete miscarriage. One that required hospitalization for 2-3 days.

I was 11 weeks 6 days pregnant but we had lost her at 8 weeks 6 days due to Turners Syndrome. This time we were blessed enough to meet our baby before we said goodbye. I was able to start the miscarriage at home which gave us the opportunity to meet her and hold her.

She was so beautiful and tiny. No matter how little they were when they were born, no matter their gestational age… They are still our babies. They are still loved beyond belief & missed SO much. We lost 2 parts of us. I don’t just tell people we have 3 littles, I tell them we have 5 because even though 2 are not with us, they will still always be.

What receiving her Project Robby Keepsake Sets mean to her

Receiving our Project Robby sets has helped me to cope with our losses.

I find peace whenever I look at them because I have something so beautiful and meaningful to remember them by.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy : Alyssa

Alyssa’s Story:

After three losses, years of infertility, and being told we would never conceive again- we found out we were pregnant. After making it to 12 weeks, we were so excited to tell our eight year old daughter that we were pregnant. Her response was “you’re finally giving me a sibling”! She was beyond excited and told everyone that she had a little sibling on the way.

My husband was deploying on a submarine and would be gone for the anatomy scan so I wrapped a blue package of gum and a pink package for him to open after I would email him to tell him the gender of the baby. My daughter and I were so excited to find out and be able to email him. The day of the anatomy scan my life changed forever.

I dropped my daughter off at school, drove very excitedly and anxiously to the hospital and within minutes of laying the the table, I got questioned. “Have you had any cramping? Any bleeding?” I knew what that meant. The ultrasound tech didn’t even have to say a word. I told her no and she frantically left the room saying she needed to get the doctor and she would be right back.

Thirty minutes, I laid in that cold, dark room alone. Sobbing hysterically. I texted a friend and told her I knew something was wrong and she dropped everything to come to the hospital. The doctor came in and told me and all I remember after that is just uncontrollable sobbing and screaming. We had lost what we thought was finally our rainbow. How would I tell our daughter, how would I tell my deployed husband.

Not only were we robbed of our precious baby, but we were robbed of being together to grieve together.

My husband didn’t get to open packages of gum, instead he was told by his command who was notified via a Red Cross message. Our daughter started her school year off by having to grieve a loss she couldn’t comprehend.

My heart broke that day.

Then it broke again the day I had surgery to remove my son from my body.

It broke when the doctor came in and told me the baby was a boy, the son I’ll never get to meet in this life. It breaks every time someone asks me if I have more kids, if I want more kids.

It breaks every time I see parents and families walk through the same fire.

Pregnancy loss isn’t normal grief you walk through and can heal from. Pregnancy and infant loss is grief you learn to live WITH because you carry that baby with you, for the rest of your life.

Our son, Lucas Anthony, will forever be carried in our hearts.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

I received my Project Robby set on the year anniversary of the surgery to remove my son’s body from mine. It was so overwhelming to not only receive this incredible gift but the coincidence of getting it on that day- was even more special and overwhelming.

My heart melted. The wings, the hat, the blanket, all perfectly crafted and really made me feel close to our son Lucas. I don’t think there are words to express my deep gratitude. Thank you Project Robby for giving us something to feel close to our babies. What you’re doing is so meaningful and important.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Zyanya

Zyanya’s Story

I have started out writing our story for this 3 times in the last few weeks. Each time I got partway through, and realized it would be too long for anyone to want to sit down and read. The reality is it’s been too long for us to want to experience too!

We have lost 4 babies in the last 5 1/2 years. Some dates that mean a lot to us are :

Feb 5, 2015 – the first day we realized we were pregnant

Apr 25, 2015 – the day I told my hubby (and family) we were pregnant again (although I knew on the 22nd)

October 17, 2018 – the day we got our next positive test after 3.5 years of infertility, endless Dr appointments, and fertility meds. The day we began thinking maybe it was our turn for a miracle.

October 10, 2019 – the day we got another positive test, and thought maybe, just maybe, this time it was our turn.

But with those dates come a laundry list of difficult dates :

Feb 11, 2015 – the day we lost our first baby

Apr 26, 2015 – the day we lost our second baby

October 10, 2015 – what should have been our first due date – we spent this day in the NICU with our brand new niece, and my whole family. We felt very alone that day even though we were surrounded by love.

November 17, 2015 – our first appointment with the fertility clinic

December 31, 2015 – should have been our second due date.

February 16, 2016 – the day we were told there was absolutely no reason for our losses and everything was fine according to blood tests. Nobody could figure out why, for some reason, after our second loss I stopped ovulating

Nov 8, 2018 – our first ultrasound date. We were so excited for this day! We thought for sure it would be a happy day, and we had our announcement photo all ready to go as soon as we heard a heartbeat. But we didn’t. And things weren’t measuring as they should have been.

Nov 29, 2018 – the day of my D&C. So so many emotions on that day 😦

June 22, 2019 – should have been our 3rd due date Oct 18, 2019 – the day a blood test told us that this little miracle probably wasn’t viable.

June 17, 2020 – should have been our 4th due date

Our journey is still ongoing. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that this is our reality. I have been pregnant more times than most women, and yet our house is quiet and our arms are empty. Our first 2 babies would have started Kindergarten this year. We should have a toddler and a little little. But instead we have 4 little Butterfly Babies that for some reason were too delicate for this world.

We still long for answers. And we still hope that one day, somehow, a miracle will join our family on this earth ♡

What her Project Robby Keepsake Sets mean to her:

Our Keepsake sets mean the world to us. Because of the nature of our losses we have nothing physical to remember our babies by except medical reports, blood test results, and hospital wristbands. We were refused a copy of our ultrasound photo, because there was no heartbeat. Our 4 matching Keepsake sets give us a physical reminder of our angel babies.

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Chana

Chana’s Story:

I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly since I was taking BC at the time, since this was pregnancy #3 I was shocked but excited. A week later I started bleeding and miscarried.

Until this point positive test=baby so I was devastated.

My miscarriage happened September 15th 2018. I was 5-6 weeks along. We named our Angel Charlie Lynn.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

Everything! Since it happened so early I had nothing to look at for my sweet angel. Having a project Robby set means I have something to hold.