Last week this picture popped up in my “On This Day” feature on Facebook.

 

Three years ago, my mom took this picture of me as I was starting my first day of Graduate School at Lubbock Christian University. When you look at this picture, what do you see? From the outside looking in, you see me sitting at my desk excited about starting my new journey.

However, what you can’t see is what was really going on that day. On that very day three years ago I was miscarrying.

I don’t talk about that loss very often, but when that picture pops up each year, I can’t help but wonder who those little babies (multiples) would have been. It was an early miscarriage at 9 weeks, and we had not announced the pregnancy and we had not told very many people, just family and close friends.

There are many different ways that women grieve the baby that they have lost. I, personally, spent a fair amount of time crying, eating  large amounts of ice cream, and I did not really talk about it much- with anyone. I internalized my loss by retreating from friends and family. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love those babies, that is just how I personally grieved for my loss.

Some women talk about their losses openly.

Some women need something physical to hold onto after they have lost their baby.

Some women wake up the next morning and continue on because that is what they need to do.

Grief is different for everyone. It does not look the same for me as it might for someone else. Although there were similarities, my grief journey was different between my loss with Robby and the loss with my miscarriage.

As someone who is a big supporter of breaking the silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss, I will admit that I have not spoken out very much about my miscarriage 3 years ago. When you open up about a miscarriage, it opens yourself up for judgement on how you handle it.

 

I want to remind myself, as well as those reading this:

 

There is no wrong way to grieve.

 

There is no timeline for grief.

 

At Project Robby we recognize that the journey after losing a child does not look the same for everyone. What is helpful to someone might not be helpful to someone else.

 

If having something tangible to hold onto would help you in your grief journey, please fill out our request form. We would be honored to pick out a hat, blanket, and angel wing for you. ♥