I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jillian

Jillian’s Story:

It was June 19, 2018. I was at work. I’m a Correctional Officer so showing emotion isn’t exactly something you can do. But I could feel something was off.

I went to the restroom and had some spotting. Not a lot to be alarmed of but enough to add to the nagging feeling I was already experiencing. I called my Captain and told him I needed to go home. 3 hours. It took 3 hours to get relieved. I felt numb and powerless. Knowing no matter how fast or how slow it took me to leave it wouldn’t change anything.

I went home to my BF. Told him we needed to go to the hospital. So we packed up our 7 month old daughter and headed out. While at the hospital the U/S tech sounded very excited to report to me baby was measuring at 8 weeks. But I told her that can’t be right I’m almost 13.

She then became silent the rest of the scan. And I knew why. They returned me to my room and I told my BF, I know our baby’s gone. The dr came in an hour later. “I’m sorry your baby had no cardiac activity”.

I knew it. I knew it in my soul. And I broke.

Going through the miscarriage at home was my breaking point. For both me and my boyfriend. It was so quick (pharmaceutically induced). I couldn’t process it all. Here I am 3 months later and I couldn’t go to work. I hated them for making me wait. I’m home trying to heal day by day.

 

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

The keepsake set made me feel so thankful. That someone else believes my baby was indeed a loss.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Krystal

Krystal’s Story:

One year ago (September 2017) I found out I was pregnant. I was SO EXCITED because I have always wanted a baby. I’ve always dreamed of being a mom. I even have journals that I write to my future children in-that I began in June of 2007 on my wedding day. I’ve had boy and girl names that I’ve chosen for years before I even met my husband. I talk about my children as if they already exist and I always have. They are loved and wanted and so precious.

So when I went for my first ultrasound (8 weeks 5 days) and saw that little heart beating I wanted to be happy but I could tell by the ultrasound techs change of emotion that something was wrong. —and unfortunately, something was wrong. My sweet baby was measuring smaller than expected (5 weeks 3 days) and the heartbeat wasn’t as strong as it should be. Two days later and I lost my baby naturally at what should have been 9 weeks to the day.

I remember that moment so vividly. I was crying my eyes out-not because of the physical pain but the because of the emotional and mental torture of what this meant. I remember apologizing to my baby over and over “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-Mommy is so sorry” as my body failed me in keeping my baby safe and alive.

We don’t know why. We don’t the gender of our precious little one. I just knew I had to honor my baby by naming him or her… so together we chose a name that could be for a boy or a girl. *Payton Leigh Morrow*

On September 15, 2017 I didn’t just lose a pregnancy- I didn’t just lose a baby- I lost an entire future. I lost memories we never got to make and birthday parties we never got to plan. I lost hopes and dreams and instead was given pain and tears and thoughts of “what if” and “what could have been”. I was terrified to try again. It took an entire year (literally- one year exactly) and here we are September 2018 and I’m losing my second precious baby at the same time in my pregnancy as before. We chose the name *London Parker* for this sweet baby. I’m a mess of emotions and I don’t understand why-I probably never will. I still love and trust God. I still have hope and I still pray. I will keep trying despite the heartbreak. I hope and pray that I will get to keep and hold a baby here on this Earth. For now, I just grieve for the future that I don’t get to have with the two babies that I will forever love and miss.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her:

I found out about Project Robby and asked for a keepsake set. They sent me a beautiful hat, blanket, and angel wings. I cried in my car as I put the little hat on the tip of my finger. This sweet keepsake set makes me feel like I have something tangible to hold on to since I can’t hold my sweet Payton. I tell everyone I know that has been through a loss about Project Robby. I’m so thankful for their love and generosity. They are amazing.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Jamie

Jamie’s Story: I lost my only son at 16 weeks and 5 days on 7/18/17. I was determined to have a vaginal delivery and in doing so I bled out and almost lost my life. I would do it the same way over again in a heartbeat.

What her Project Robby Keepsake Set means to her: It means the world to me. I had the blood test to find out the gender and I was told I was having a girl so everything I had for my baby was for a girl but when they performed the autopsy I found out I had a little boy. The keepsake is the only boy thing I have to remember him by.

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Megan

I had an ectopic that I started loosing at only 5 weeks. Since we lost our child so young, we never saw an ultrasound picture and we didn’t buy many things yet.

Having something tangible to look at and hold means the world. So many people don’t recognize our loss as a loss, makes me feel like my baby wasn’t real or it wasn’t a loss.

Having something as intimate as a blanket, hat, and wings makes my child more real and easier to grieve knowing I lost a child and not just a pregnancy.

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Lainee

I lost my sweet baby at just 8 weeks. We had only known about the pregnancy for two weeks, but after trying for so long, we were so happy! The day I lost the baby was one of the worst days of my life. It was March 21st. My baby was due November 1st. I should be getting ready to welcome a baby. But now the baby is my angel!

 

The keepsake set that I received is the only tangible thing I have in remembrance of my baby. I didn’t get any ultrasound pictures because the baby was already gone by the time I got to have one. So having the tiny hat and blanket that I can hold onto means so much to me. It is one of my most treasured possessions!

 

If you or someone you know would like more information on receiving a Project Robby Keepsake Set click here

 

If you have received a Keepsake or Bereavement Set and would like to be featured in our “I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy” Series click here

 

I Didn’t Just Lose a Pregnancy: Tanner and Amanda Smith

During the month of October we will be featuring women who have received Project Robby Bereavement and Keepsake Sets in our “ I didn’t just lose a pregnancy” series on our website.

 

I wanted to start the series off by talking a little bit about my story, because “I didn’t just lose a pregnancy.”

 

Robert (Robby)  James Smith was born at 23 weeks gestation on February 24th, 2012. I went into preterm labor on the 20th, and labored with him in the hospital until my body could not hold out any longer. He lived for two precious hours in our arms before going to heaven. When Robby was born, the hospital did not have anything small enough to fit his perfect, yet very tiny little head, but the nurse did her best to find something that would come as close as possible to fitting. The hat that Robby wore was and continues to be one of my most treasured possessions. For a long time, I carried his hat around with me wherever I went. I slept with it, I even took it on the cruise that my mom and I went on with my grandmother shortly after Robby died. It brought me so much comfort to have something of his.

 

That hat is where the idea of Project Robby came from. When Project Robby was started, it was about me trying to find a way to honor Robby’s life. I wanted people to know that although Robby’s life was brief, his life mattered. What happened along the way is that it began to be about more. Project Robby began to transform into a way for me to help other women through the heartbreaking loss of their baby.

 

Project Robby isn’t just sending out beautifully handmade hats, blankets, and angel wings. Project Robby is about letting women know that their baby matters. It doesn’t matter how tiny your baby was, how premature your baby was, or how brief your baby was here with you.

 

I know first hand that pregnancy and infant loss is something that can be isolating. I want women to know that you are not alone.

I want women to know that it is okay to be sad, and it is okay to be angry.

It is okay to miss your baby.

It is okay to talk about your baby.

 

I am so thankful that Project Robby is reaching so many women, and that we are able to serve these women by letting them know that their baby matters.

 

At Project Robby we acknowledge that all losses are heartbreaking.

We acknowledge that your baby mattered no matter at what gestation they existed.

We don’t just say it, we believe it. Your baby matters. You didn’t just lose a pregnancy. It wasn’t just a “sad” or “unfortunate” thing that happened. You lost a tiny little life who will forever change you, and you deserve to know that your baby matters.

 

It is my hope that when a family receives their keepsake or bereavement set, that they are able to find at least a little bit of comfort as I did with the little hat that I have from Robby.

 

If you have received a set from Project Robby and would like to be featured, please fill out this form.